dreams

Dreams are like the reality that we wish we had.
The happiness we want to achieve
The small thoughts that never develop into anything because we are so rushed to move on the the next idea.
Dreams are what we hope for.
Dreams are our fears
Dreams are our anguish.
The things that we never hope come true
the things we never want to admit to ourselves that are true.
Dreams are never what we expect.
Dreams are exactly what we need.

Dreams are the place we can get away.
where everything is perfect.
where we can reflect on ourselves.
where we can be a kid again.

Dreams are God's way of reaching out
Dreams are my connection to God.

Arquitectura de la urgencia

Arquitectura de la urgencia


alguien a quien puedo admirar.
alguien a quien puedo aspirar.

one time... i almost got married.

i was driving down the 85. on the overpass off the overpass on the pleasanthill exit. i was speeding, im sure. going 80, 85 maybe? i could hear myself starting to be scared. i felt my heartbeat in my ears, the beads of sweat starting to build on my forehead. and then everything went in slow motion for a second, my life didn't flash before my eyes, i was strangely aware of everything, there were no cars behind me, the wall was too close to me... and then everything was in fast forward one wall, then the next wall, then the next...each scrape on the side of my car to match the ones in my heart.

the tire was starting to pull away from the car, like my life slipping away from my hands. my heart pounding louder than i've ever felt it, like i had just been running the last three months of my life, and finally stopped. like my world was crashing. along with my car.

for a split second i saw the wall. not more than three feet tall. surprising actually. the car could have flipped over. the car could have gone over the edge. all the edges and boundaries had been pushed, why not this one? and why not this one too? what did it mean to be standing here, next to the car? the scraped, bruised car... matching the interior.

This is what I look like. this is what i was. broken, scraped parts, a torn off tire, smashed mirror, unusable parts... al laid out before me, pushed to the edge, but not thrown over.

legal alien- pat mora

Bi-lingual, Bi-cultural,
able to slip from "How's life?"
to "Me'stan volviendo loca,"
able to sit in a paneled office
drafting memos in smooth English,
able to order in fluent Spanish
at a Mexican restaurant,
American but hyphenated,
viewed by Anglos as perhaps exotic,
perhaps inferior, definitely different,
viewed by Mexicans as alien,
(their eyes say, "You may speak
Spanish but you're not like me")
an American to Mexicans
a Mexican to Americans
a handy token
sliding back and forth
between the fringes of both worlds
by smiling
by masking the discomfort
of being pre-judged
Bi-laterally.

the best things about pizza is leftovers

who doesn't love a hot delivered pizza? hot melted cheese, pepperoni, and a cold glass of milk- yes im weird, i like pizza and milk, that's not the point.

not me. there's something special about leftover pizza. all that remains from a late night party, crazy times, movie night, late night snack. all the pieces that no one wanted last night are here waiting for you in the morning. it's like all the experience and knowledge that you gain everytime something goes good. or bad. all the life lessons that you take away after everything is said and done. it may not be just delivered, it may not be exactly what you expected, it may not even be what you wanted, but it's there for you in the morning. waiting, and offering all its yummy goodness.

yes there is something to be said about a hot pizza, but i'll take the leftovers, thank you.

i think i left a piece of my heart in your dresser.

my sister is in Europe. these amazing people are making amazing music and playing shows...and ... being fabulous. and im.... still not finished with my paper :/

But it's my time. it's time for me to be who im supposed to be. i need to get on top of things. so this here is the final turning point. things always happen for a reason, and i know this. it's time to move forward in life. i will get As... i will not procrastinate, i will continue to make music. i will dedicate my time, effort, and energy into the things that matter the most. the things that are important. like this paper.!!!

there is a lot left unsaid.

"all that you had doesnt seem so much for you to hold onto, for you to belong to."

i don't you can ever really make anyone feel what you want them to feel. you can't make anyone love you, you can't make anyone hate you. you can't make anyone listen. and you can't convince someone of something that they don't want to believe.
I think that ive made al ot of mistakes in my life. some of which i have already paid for, and others, i know will come. i believe in karma... and i have been through a lot. and i've lost a lot of friends in the process. but now im starting to wonder.... if those people arent in my life, or chose not to be in my life.. what's next? more people? will i always feel the need to fill the void? where in my life does everything work?

im sorry.

i love degrassi!

i should be doing homework, but alas, i am chained to my procrastination and .... lack of ... interest. but i sit here and blog. about good canadian tv lol.

harry potter was awesome. and sad. awesomely sad. :[ i cried a little bit. a tiny little bit. i hate waiting for the next movie ... i don't like to wait. i want them to film them all back to back, and then release them one movie after the other. but i guess that takes time. and money. and since time is money, more money. off to homework i go ..............

i don't believe in romance.

i still can't get over the fact that i sit here and write about myself. it's a little narcissitic [sp? -->what an idiot, i could just use the spellcheck function, couldn't i?]

so... i was thinking about romance....and how much it sucks. Are you really out there? are there really people in the world that exist and say wonderful and beautiful tinkg? and surprise you? and bring you lunch? are you real? i think not. boys are...boys. and they will forever be so. i dont even think i can go there anymore. why would you do that? fool me once, shame on you. fool me twice, shame on me. and i guess i shouldnt generalize, but how can u know? someone once told me, el que se enamora pierde, and im beginning to think that this is true. once upon a time, i believed love was beautiful and kind. love is war. love is a losing game.

love is scary.

prince charming are you there? are you just a figment of my imagination?
sometimes love come around. it knocks you down.
just get back up when it knocks you down....

i don't believe in romance.
i won't believe in romance.
i can;t believe in romance.

hello blogging world

its strange to sit here, and write this about myself .... but here goes what i want to say about myself. it may not be all that interesting, but that's ok. you may not want to read it, and that's ok. maybe this is more for me than for other people. i am a lot of things, but very few. i am simply complicated. i am a put together mess. i am a paradox. i dont know what will happen. i have goals and dreams... i dream a lot. mi abuelo siempre dijo que el hibiera no existe...pero siempre lo pienso. i've been through a lot. i'll be through a lot. that's what life is about. live and learn.